I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
