...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
