Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
There was a lot of him and a little penis
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
