But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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