You just made me feel so damn special
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
