You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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