Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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