if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
