We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
