I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
