even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Randomize
