I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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