that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
