Those balls look pretty dangerous.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
