if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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