I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
