I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
