His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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