my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
