I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
only you would photoshop your dick
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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