I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
