ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
