Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
