that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
