Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize