I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
