i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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