he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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