I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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