I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
