Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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