Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
