i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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