Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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