I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Small penises have feelings too.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
