Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
