Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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