he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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