Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
