Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
