why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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