for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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