plz talk dirty to me
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
