Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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