Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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