She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
