I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Panties = found
Randomize
