So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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