no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
