i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
