She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
