I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
