I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
