laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
