how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
