It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
