you guys were way drunker than both of me
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
