I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
