is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
