Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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