i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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