Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
