think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
