Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
