I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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