What a fucking waste of an outfit
where does the pee come out of this thing
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
