hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
