I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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