i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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