erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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