I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
