everyone is single if you try hard enough
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
