bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
