How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
