Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize