so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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