I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
