Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize