I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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