I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
