Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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