The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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