She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
