Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
