i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
