Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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