oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize