I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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