Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
it was like eating out sand paper
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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