i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
