i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize