it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize