So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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